As a first generation black female college student, I never thought I would've gotten this far in my education. When I look back at how far God has led me, I remember God has always reminded me of my destiny of being a doctor. When I was 9 years old, I used to dress up in a nurse uniform and go to "work" lol. Work was me going to the basement aka the hospital, lining up all of my stuffed animals aka my patients, and making registration forms to get them all checked in to be seen by the doctor. I would be in that basement for hours...just me and my patients lol so cute right?? My destiny was confirmed again when I was 17. I was a junior in high school, taking my intro to psychology elective course with Mr. Johnson. I loved every class and I was so excited to learn such interesting things about human thought, emotion, and behavior. During that semester I knew that I wanted to be a psychologist. With the confirmation I received in Mr. Johnson's class I knew what path I wanted to take in college. I knew my major before I even applied for college! I attended an on-site admissions event at my high school in my senior year and was admitted to Wayne State University starting in the Fall of 2003. I walked on campus KNOWING what I was there for. I didn't need time to think about it or figure it out...I knew my academic path. God knew that I didn't have time to waste so He made sure to start ordering my steps when I was 9. My boyfriend at the time was very confused about what he wanted to do and wasted months taking classes, switching majors, and essentially wasting time. We had broken up in my sophomore year and I was devastated! I now understand that God was removing him out of my life because he was a distraction and I needed to stay on course to becoming a doctor!
After graduating with my masters degree from Wayne State in 2013 (my masters is in counseling psychology), I took a few years off to work. I didn't see the job that I was employed with at the time as the job that I would retire from. I began to feel in my spirit that this job didn't line up with my destiny. I needed to get back on one accord with my purpose. I had become so comfortable with my horrible job that God had to make things very UNcomfortable for me. After being promoted to supervisor at my job I began to think that things were getting better, and the urgency that I felt before to leave began to fade away. I had the big office, my name on the door and everything but things still continued to get worse. Nothing I tried to do (and Lord knows I tried) made anything any better. As soon as I put out one fire, 5 other fires would break out and God told me, "If you're trying THIS HARD to make this work, it must not be meant to work. Let it go." That's when I was faced with the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life...the decision to quit my job. When this decision had come, I was in my doctorate program for 2 months. I was trying to go to school full time and still work a full time management position. I was overworked and stressed! God again told me to let the job go and focus on school full time. I knew why I was being stubborn in quitting. I didn't want to quit because I knew what I had to sacrifice...I knew the cost...and I was afraid. This reminds me of when Jesus first called His disciples to follow Him:
"When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon,
Now go out to where it is deeper, and let down your
nets to catch some fish."
~Luke 5:4 (NLT)
I encourage you to read all of chapter 5 but basically when Jesus began recruiting the men that would be His disciples, He called them to do things that they weren't used to. In this verse when God speaks to Simon telling Him to cast his nets into the water again, Simon had been fishing all night and hadn't caught any fish. He explained this to Jesus:
"Master, Simon replied, we worked hard all last night
and didn't catch a thing. But if you say so, I'll let the
nets down again. And this time their nets were so full
of fish they began to tear! A shout for help brought
their partners in the other boat, and soon both
boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking."
~Luke 5: 5-7 (NLT)
I could only imagine what Simon must have thought when God instructed him to cast his nets back into the water. The important thing to see here is that even though Simon knew what the past results were he was OBEDIENT and did what God said ANYWAY. Look what happened after He followed God's instruction...Simon's net was filled with so many fish that he had to get help from another fisherman just to get the fish into his boat! Not only that but there was so much OVERFLOW of fish that the fisherman who came to help Simon also had his boat filled with fish! They had so much fish that their boats almost sank! WOOOOOW! This reminds me of when I first applied for my doctorate. Many people think that me getting admitted was so easy but it wasn't...not at all. When I first applied for my doctorate I was REJECTED!! That's right, I received 4 rejection letters in the mail. Not to mention that my GRE (Graduate Record Exam) scores were in the LOWEST percentile (I'll explain the GRE in Part II of this post). Basically the GRE is an exam that you take when you apply for a degree higher than a bachelors, at that point you're entering into graduate level study or grad school.
Getting the first rejection letter was ok because I figured I had 3 more chances to get a yes so one no was ok. As the rejections continued to come, I got more and more discouraged. I thought that I wasn't smart enough to get a PhD...that had to be it right?? I remember getting one of the letters and pulling into a parking lot on my lunch break and just crying with my head on the steering wheel. I thought for sure that at least one of the schools would've said yes. I remember coming back in from a trip and the last letter was in my mailbox. Excited, I ran upstairs and called my boyfriend and told him to come over. He came over and I told him to turn on the camera as I read the letter (I wanted a victory video). When I opened the letter on camera, without reading it I saw that there were only 2 sentences which was way to short for a congratulations letter. I didn't get in. That was my last chance I thought. Now I had no plan, had to return back to the job that I couldn't stand, and rethink my future. Shortly after the last rejection letter, I broke up with my boyfriend (who I thought I was going to marry). I broke up with him because God told me to (and I knew that I needed to). God told me on that day that if I didn't leave him He wouldn't be able to help me. Help me with what?...I wasn't sure. I did what God had instructed me to do, as hard as it was, I was obedient. I understood much later that God again was removing the wrong people out of my life so that I could continue my course to fulfilling my destiny. My destiny is what God wanted to help me with and as long as the wrong people were in my atmosphere His hands were tied. Sidenote: Just know that where God is taking you...everyone won't be able to walk beside you.
So after the rejections and the breakup it felt like my world was turned completely upside down! This is the point where I was promoted on my job and I felt like things were getting a little better. After a little while, God used my coworker to remind me about applying for my PhD again. Almost one year had passed and I wasn't sure if I wanted to feel that rejection again...it took enough for me to get through it the first time. As God instructed Simon, He also instructed me to again cast my nets into the water. Just like Simon I explained to God that my GRE scores were the lowest of the low and I had already been rejected multiple times BUT if He wanted me to apply again I would. God instructed me to apply to only 2 schools. I applied to the schools, prayed, and didn't think anything more about it. About two months later I received an email from one of the schools asking me to come in for an interview. An interview doesn't mean that I was accepted but I was thrilled anyway! I EXPECTED a great result! Shortly after I received the email, a letter came in the mail from the other school that I applied to. I didn't get in. I wasn't even disappointed, I just threw the letter away and figured hey, that must not have been the school that God wanted me to go to. During this process I prayed to have peace and that's what God gave me. Even with a rejection letter in my hand...I had peace (click the links below) These videos were recorded Jan/Feb 2016:
I prepared for my interview. I didn't have time to have a breakdown over that rejection letter. I had to focus on what was ahead! I went to the mall and searched for the perfect ensemble. Garments that screamed DOCTOR! After finding the perfect most professional outfit, I went back home and I prayed. I prayed all the way to the interview. I prayed while I waited to be called and then....it was my turn. After the interview I went home excited. I knew I had done well in the interview and I EXPECTED to be accepted into that program. Seven hours later I received a phone call from that school and the first word I heard was: CONGRATULATIONS! I almost dropped the phone! The professor who called, warmly welcomed me into the program and after I hung up, tears of joy began to stream down my face. In less than 24 hours God gave me an answer! The acceptance letter came in the mail about two weeks after that call. I will never forget this miracle...never (click on link below):
Now I'm entering into my second year as a PhD student (my doctorate will be in counseling education) and I have enjoyed every moment of this journey of scholarship, leadership, and growth. I've seen myself grow as a professional, as a person, and as a child of God. If you're thinking about a PhD I highly encourage you to step out on faith and go for it! APPLY! The process of me applying for my doctorate discouraged me, disappointed me, and almost made me give up on my dreams BUT I didn't allow the process to kill me spiritually...I allowed it to make me stronger. In Part II of this post I will talk more concretely about the process of application and show you how to look for the right program, how to find money to pay for your PhD, and describe what it will take to endure this process. Start seeing yourself as a doctor and God will lead you down the path to becoming one. Just remember that on this journey to YOUR doctorate, it will be very important to not go your own way...God knows how to get you to your PhD...follow HIS directions.
Now I'm entering into my second year as a PhD student (my doctorate will be in counseling education) and I have enjoyed every moment of this journey of scholarship, leadership, and growth. I've seen myself grow as a professional, as a person, and as a child of God. If you're thinking about a PhD I highly encourage you to step out on faith and go for it! APPLY! The process of me applying for my doctorate discouraged me, disappointed me, and almost made me give up on my dreams BUT I didn't allow the process to kill me spiritually...I allowed it to make me stronger. In Part II of this post I will talk more concretely about the process of application and show you how to look for the right program, how to find money to pay for your PhD, and describe what it will take to endure this process. Start seeing yourself as a doctor and God will lead you down the path to becoming one. Just remember that on this journey to YOUR doctorate, it will be very important to not go your own way...God knows how to get you to your PhD...follow HIS directions.
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