9 Years

I'm very happy about this post because it's about something that means a lot to me.

I remember the day that I decided that I didn't want to have sex anymore until I was married. I was so unhappy...depressed actually. I was tired of my unsatisfying and purposeless sexual interactions. I felt like I was loosing myself. With each interaction I was giving a piece of myself away and the next thing I knew...I had nothing left. I was used up and lost. I remember two instances in particular:

I met my ex-boyfriend "S" in my sophomore year of high school. We were young, didn't have much responsibility, and had tons of time to spend together. When we began our relationship everything was great....until he began asking me about having sex. I was 16 at the time and I was a virgin. For a whole year S asked and asked and asked me about having sex. My response to him would always be the same, "I don't know if I'm ready for that right now. Maybe when I turn 18 I'll be ready." After a while though I began to feel the pressure. I went in search for an answer. I asked a minister at the church that I was attending why the bible says not to have sex outside of being married. The minister basically told me to not question God and to just do what He says. To this day, that was the worst advice I've ever received from someone and this started the slippery slope. After having this awkward and unhelpful conversation with the minister, I went home even more confused than before. When S asked me about sex for the 5,472nd time I thought to myself, "Why not?" Up until this point I hadn't heard of any real reason not to have sex, so what was the harm? S was a virgin too so I figured this would be a cool experience for the both of us. After we had sex I didn't feel any different. To be honest, I don't even remember the encounter which is sad because your first time should not be unforgettable or an encounter that you try to force yourself to forget. Anyway, fast forward a few years. S and I are sophomores in college now. I find out while sitting in class that S was cheating on me. Fast forward, I find out that S had been cheating on me with not just one girl but several. I also found out that he lied about being a virgin! He lied about so many things. My virginity was gone...I could never get it back. It was stolen from me by a lying cheater. I was devastated.

In 2008 I traveled to Florida to do my first out of state photo shoot. I was excited and nervous to fly out on my own to do something that I'd never done. To my surprise a guy (I'll call him "C") that I was introduced to by a friend had flown down to Florida to visit his family right before I did. While he was there, I was in Michigan so I when I had flown down he had just returned to Michigan. We had just missed each other by a day or two. When we were initially introduced we had taken casual interest in one another and we started hanging out and talking on the phone. When C found out that I was in Florida, he called me. We were both shocked and disappointed that we had missed each other. A few days later, C called me and asked how things were going in Florida. I told him the area that I was staying in and some things that I had done. The next day I was surprised to hear that C had flown back down to Florida to see me! I was staying in a motel and when C met me at the door I was speechless! I felt so special! A guy had taken a flight just to come and see lil ol' me! I jumped into his arms and we shared mutual smiles and laughs. I called my friend (who had introduced us) and screamed about what had just happened. After ending my call, I turned around and asked C what he wanted to do. In my mind I'm thinking watching a movie or going out to dinner, but no, I was sadly mistaken. I was bubbling over with anticipation for the potential activities for the evening. Well, my bubble was burst big time when I saw C smirk and put his hand in his pocket. As I looked at his hand, I saw C pull  a gold square out of his pocket....a condom. I shuttered inside. I thought I was special...special enough for a guy to take a flight...special enough to spend time with...but in that moment the message that I received was that I wasn't special enough. As soon as C's eyes lined up with mine after we both looked up from his pocket, I felt tears on my cheeks. C didn't fly down to Florida to see me...he flew down for a good old fashion booty call. I told C to leave, I just couldn't believe this was happening. C returned to my room a few hours later. When I opened the door, C's face looked confused like he didn't know how to read my facial expression. He didn't know if me opening the door was a good or a bad thing. With few words I gestured C to come into the room. Before he could speak I told him that we could have sex. My attitude about what I had just said was flat and because of this contradiction he asked me if I was sure about what I had said. I shook my head yes, I mean that's what he came down here for right?? Obviously I wasn't special enough to take out on a date or have a fun conversation with so why not just give the man what he wants?? This message had been repeated and reinforced to me time and time again, "Juanita, you're good enough to have sex with but that's it." I cut off all the lights in the room and we proceeded to have sex. I looked out of the motel window and I felt tears streak the side of my face. I sniffed quietly as I cried in silence and C asked me if I were ok and if he should stop. At that point it didn't even matter to me. When it was over I had nothing else to say to C. He gathered his things and left. We never spoke or saw each other again after that.

These two accounts along with others helped me to realize that I was not enjoying sex...AT ALL. It took me a few years to realize that as long as I did sex my way, I would never enjoy it:

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are

outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who

is in you, whom you have received from God?

You are not your own; you were bought at a price.

Therefore honor God with your bodies."

~I Corinthians 6: 18-20 (NIV)

I learned many hard lessons having sex outside of the will of God. The good thing that came out of this is that...I learned from these lessons. I made the decision to be celibate in August of 2008 and I haven't looked back since. This month I'm happy to celebrate 9 years of celibacy!!!! I have learned so much about myself on this journey. I want to encourage YOU today. If you're reading this post and are contemplating celibacy, I want you to make the informed decision to do so, not because I'm asking you but because that's what God requires from you (if you're unmarried). 

Celibacy reminds me every single day that I deserve the BEST man that God has to offer. I learned the hard way about what happens when I choose for myself and I want to break that hurtful cycle. Celibacy should not be looked at as a punishment or a life sentence rather it should be CELEBRATED! My great friend Carmen Jackson actually encouraged me to have a big celebration for my celibacy anniversary. It was at that point that I realized that I never really acknowledged celibacy in either a negative or positive way. Up until recently, celibacy was just something that I worked hard to "get through" each year but now I realize I don't have to just get through...I can enjoy this part of my journey!! Do you know what keeps me going?...two things. My motivation to keep walking this walk is knowing that I'm living a life that is pleasing to God! Another motivator is an image that I hold in my mind about the look in my future husbands eyes when we're standing across from each other at the altar I tell him how happy I am to give myself to him for the rest of my life, in every way. For him to know that I disciplined myself for years in order to prepare for a special, intimate, and God ordained encounter with him and only him will cause us both to be elated to the fullest!

I need you all to understand that we live in a day where sex has a major influence on the way we think and behave. A lot of people are controlled by their flesh and sexual desires are constantly being reinforced by the world's messages of, "Doing whatever with whoever whenever is perfectly OK!" Think about it...music, television, books, magazines...sex is EVERYWHERE but it's very rare that you'll see it connected with marriage.

I'm not in any way saying that being married is all about having sex because it most definitely is NOT. There are a lot of Christians who are excited about marriage for the wrong reasons. Just getting married to have spiritual authorization to have sex is not enough to sustain the marriage itself. I think that's why celibacy is so important. Celibacy has opened my eyes to the bigger picture of marriage and what it really means. I'm super excited at the thought of being intimate with my future husband (I mean after all it has been 9 years haha) BUT I also know that sex can't cook a meal, pay a bill, clean a home, or fix every argument. Celibacy challenges me to prepare for my husband in other important ways...ways that will KEEP MY MARRIAGE and to be honest sex can't keep a marriage.

The thing that is unique (and difficult) about people who have already experienced sex and made the decision to be celibate is that your body will always have cravings for sex. It's up to you to make sure that you keep your flesh under control. You don't want to block your blessings because your words and your actions are contradicting each other:

"I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should.

Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might 

be disqualified."

~I Corinthians 9:27 (NLT)

This verse is saying that you MUST train your flesh to obey the word of God and resist the devil. Athletes spend countless hours training in order to prepare their bodies to endure the physical brutality of various sports. Just like the physical, you must also spend countless hours training your flesh in prayer, fasting, tithing, knowing the bible, and being obedient so that you can endure the spiritual brutality that comes when you turn away from what the world is doing. 

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should

avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn

to control your own body in a way that is holy and

honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans,

who do not know God"

~I Thessalonians 4: 3-5 (NIV)

Today I celebrate 9 years of celibacy. I celebrate 9 years of discipline. I celebrate 9 years of glorifying God by treating my body like a holy temple. I celebrate 9 years of preparing for my wonderful future husband who I believe is closer to me than ever before. I celebrate 9 years of trusting God and His ways even though my body doesn't always understand. I celebrate 9 years of good days and bad days. Today I celebrate and continue the journey.

I absolutely LOVE this poem! It sums up everything about my celibacy journey and only increases my faith in waiting for my future husband. 

Enjoy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs