Don't Get Caught Up In Chemistry

     Chemistry was one of the hardest subjects I took in both high school and college. It just didn't make sense to me. It was SO complicated. Ironically enough, that subject is just as complicated outside of the classroom as it is inside of the classroom. Chemistry is defined as: The investigation of a matter's properties and the ways in which these properties interact with each other. It is also defined as the complex emotional and psychological interaction between two people. Both definitions mention an interaction so difficult to understand it must be thought about in depth. In this post I will attempt to break down the concept of romantic chemistry so that you're aware of how one can get caught up. The more you know, the more you're prepared and preparation is powerful, especially when you are a single lady in today's society.

Chemistry is not specific
I've felt romantic chemistry with men throughout my life. Notice I did not say man, as in one man but men, as in more than one. Chemistry is not specific to a particular person rather any person that makes you feel good. Things such as support, availability, attention, acknowledgment, and laughter can stir up your emotions in a way that make you feel that you really "click" with someone and that this someone really "gets you" (I'll go in depth about clicking later).

Chemistry is felt not seen
It's been my experience that when I've had chemistry with a man it wasn't always because I first found him physically attractive. There was a man (I'll call him R) who I met through a mutual friend some years ago. I didn't find R attractive AT ALL, however there was something different about him. R was very witty and he showed me consistent attention and I liked that. Over time I began to consider dating R but God always turned me away from him. I didn't know why it always happened that way but I believe that it was God. At this point I realized that I was attracted to R because of how he made me FEEL and this feeling was independent of my thoughts of his physical attractiveness. Chemistry is an EMOTIONAL interaction. Emotions are internal so physical attractiveness even though important to most people, is not a factor that creates chemistry. Physical attraction may not INITIATE chemistry but it can INFLUENCE it once it has been established.

Chemistry is intense
Chemistry isn't something to be taken lightly because it can be quite aggressive. In my experience of romantic chemistry it sometimes seemed like it "crept up on me". Sometimes I would be confused on how the feelings I developed for a person happened so fast! These feelings were STRONG too! There was a man (I'll call him L) who I met while in college. L and I had a few things in common, he complimented me constantly, and he always knew how to make me laugh. I swear we had some of the silliest conversations. Soon after we had met, L moved three hours away to attend a different college. We continued to communicate via phone regularly. L and I attended the same class for only a couple of weeks before he left in the middle of the semester. Even though I had not seen him since then I felt really close to him at that time. I thought of him sometimes and missed our conversations. Eventually the communication between L and I had stopped and I felt sad at the thought of not being able to talk to another man the way I talked with L. Chemistry can sometimes make you think that you will never find another person that will make you feel the way you're feeling. Chemistry can confuse you about reality and this is why it's important for you to understand how powerful chemistry can be.

Click vs. Connection
When we say that we "click" with someone, chemistry can make us think that we have a special and unique connection with a person. I've learned that this isn't always reality. Clicking with someone and having a connection with someone, in my opinion, are different. I've clicked with more than one man, but in my heart I'm waiting on ONE special connection with ONE special man. I draw the parallel of dating versus marriage. As a single woman, if I click with a man, I want to go on dates with him to find out more about him. I can date multiple men at once (just to be clear when I say date I don't mean sleep with). Through the stage of dating I hope to CONNECT with ONE man that I have clicked with. You see ladies, CLICKING with a man can possibly lead to a CONNECTION and that can possibly lead to a COURTSHIP and that can lead you to a COURTHOUSE and the next thing you know you're standing before God making a COMMITMENT to be in divine COVENANT with your husband! I believe that clicking can come before a connection with someone but I don't believe that they're synonymous.

     Like I said earlier, chemistry is not an easy subject to try to explain therefore I speak what I know from my own personal experiences. I also take into account what I observe in my social life with my friends as well as my professional life with the clients that I see. Chemistry is not a bad thing! It's just you have to be careful. When you find yourself catching feelings for someone or interacting with them in a way that seems premature, remember YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SLOW THINGS DOWN! Ask yourself, "Ok, what's going on with me right now? Do I really like this guy or is it something else?" Sometimes we find ourselves clicking with people because of unresolved personal issues within ourselves. Are you starving for attention? Are you stressed? Are you trying to avoid dealing with something personal like a break up? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you have low self-esteem? These are very important questions to ask yourselves ladies because the answers can really shed some light on personal areas that you need to work on before developing a connection with a man.